Its all about choices. Everyday we live our life depends on our choices. Our choice of what to eat, what kind of clothes to wear, who to be friends with, who not to be friends with, how to react, how to act, who to love, how to show our love etc, etc. There are some instances we might think, no its not choices but its fate, destiny. Maybe. But also maybe because of the choices in the past that we made which leads us to that fate.
In this point in time, which i can say is the most difficult time of my life, where its so difficult to make choices, where every choices comes with great consequences, choosing is very crucial. I've gone through a lot, good times, bad times, happy times, sad times, difficult times and all of these are results of my own choices.
8 years ago, I don't know what I want to do, my parents help me choose, I choose nursing. I studied nursing, i finished nursing, but it doesn't make sense to me. I need a job. A year after I graduated I got my first real job as a nurse, but in a different setting, office setting, I liked it, but then I got bored with it, I want something different. 2 years ago, I made a choice, I choose to find that something outside of my comfort zone, I choose to study and work abroad. The decision that excites and scare the hell out of me at the same time, made me cry, made me happy, made me know deeply the person that I am, and taught me a lot about life which is much more than a fat savings account.
To think about the choices I've made in the past, and the kind of life I am experiencing now, it all does makes sense now. Its all about choices. Its not fate that brings me to where I am right now, its not fate that made me experience what I am experiencing now, its the choices that I choose to made. So at this point in time, making a choice for me is hard, taking chances scares me. I am changed a lot by the experiences, I used to be a risk taker, in some ways I still am, but making big decisions, making big choices, its difficult for me now because honestly, some choices I have made in the past are wrong ones but not that I regret, I learn from them, I wouldn't know if I didn't made those choices after all, the fact that I know what its like making bad decisions, Im just being extra careful now. And add the fact that I don't have much to risk, one single wrong decision and the game is all over.
On the other hand, thats life for me. Love is different. In love, its always an obvious choice. I may have had issues, doubts, what ifs, but at the end, I always end up with the same person over and over again for the past 6 years. The person that also chooses me despite of our differences, personal issues, family issues, economical issues. Everything. In making big decisions and right choices in life, we consider what is good to one another. Where we are and what we have gone through, there's only the 2 of us, no one to run to, nowhere to go. The only clear direction we are heading is home. Which means is in each others arms. We actually feared of going back to what we were before, because in a very uncomfortable situation, we found comfort in each other. We already have established a permanent relationship more of a partnership less of a marriage.God knows what we've been through. There are times that we are walking for miles with nothing in our pockets and an empty tummy, hand in hand we are still laughing at the silliest things we see, we feel, tease each other and just....happy. I don't know why, he don't know why. Its not a mind set, in a mixture of emotions during those difficult times, happiness is our choice. its the easiest, and the most obvious choice for us.
Sometimes we question ourself, even God we question, why? We actually don't have to. We just have to think of the choices that we made that put us to where we are now. So in every choices that we make, instead of asking GOd why, ask God to lead us, guide us and bless us with a right choice to make in life. Most importantly, be grateful, whatever God put us through, maybe we'll think it doesn't make sense, but really everything does make sense and we'll see. So choose wisely.