I've been idle in London for 2 months now. I'm useless, unproductive, unemployed who lives with my aunt with nothing in my savings account. And you know how it feels? I can't even describe it. My emotions these past 2 months is like a roller coaster, there are happy moments and there are moments that I am feeling really really low and I have to overcome it. I'm the kind of person who doesn't speak much or discuss crisis, most especially when it's family crisis or personal crisis. Most of the time, I just laugh it off or sleep it over just to forget how painful it feels. As much as possible I try to stay happy 'coz for me even though crisis exist, doesn't mean I have to be miserable. For me, there's always a choice. I know there's pain and it's inevitable but suffering is a choice. I'm always up for other options and I always choose the easy way.
Christmas is just around the corner, people are busy with their shopping, decorating their homes, preparing what to serve for Christmas. I, on the other hand doesn't feel the Christmas spirit at all. I'm not trying to be bitter here. But seriously. I wish I could feel it too but I just don't. What I really want is for 2009 to be over. And I hope 2010 will be a great year for me. This year is not really that bad, it's just that the late part of the year is full of drama and I'm done with it. I want to move on and start over.
I want to start from scratch, rebuild myself and have a life on my own. I will try to cover my ears on the negative whispers from haters and will boost my confidence with the positive shouts from people who truly believe in me and of course with God's love and guidance. I believe that I will really make it. The success I'm aiming for, it will be mine. Me, coming here will not put into waste and I will not let my ass on an airplane back to the Philippines empty handed. Not only materially, but full of experiences and life lessons. A stronger and more mature person.