Saturday, September 5, 2009

About a boy

My boyfriend asked me this question.."If it wasn't me who will be your guy?" I answered him HUGH JACKMAN, well I was joking. It was after I watched Wolverine with my bestfriend. But it seriously got me into thinking, who would be if it wasn't John? My mind and heart is saying a name that I've been trying to forget for quite a long time already. But still, I could not get over the fact that sometimes I still think about him, wondering what if he's my guy, wondering what could have been.

It's been 7 years ago when I first met this boy, I used to like. I can not forget our first encounter at the university gym during physical education class. He first asked what nokia model my phone was, it was a nokia 8310 hanging on my neck, then he asked for my number. I didn't hesitate to gave him my number, it was nothing. That day he sent me uncountable inspirational messages. And I replied diligently. He was nice and very accommodating. We were great friends. It was in the 2nd half of the school year when I started looking at him in a different way. It was more of an attraction. A crush. I remember I used to be all mushy when I think of him. On how I wish he would feel the same way too. It was all like highschool. I would laugh at myself now thinking about it. Sometimes, I even acted like I'm ignoring him, just to get his attention. It was so funny and immature.

I wasn't sure if he knew how I felt for him that time. I'm scared that he might avoid me if he knew so I kept it as a secret and only my closest friends know. (see, so highschool) But the way I act sometimes is pretty obvious for him to have an idea, well I guess that is just me. He is the type of boy that is not difficult to like. He is a perfect gentleman, he's nice, quite good looking, he loves his family, easy to be with, no hassle, accommodating, at times funny, attentive. I liked him even after I transferred to another school. I never liked a boy like that before, that even without seeing him physically, even without communication, in my heart I knew, I liked him and that's enough. He was in my imagination that felt like real.

Before I go out officially with my current boyfriend 4 years ago, I had a chance to see him again. It was at a common friend's birthday bash. I arrived late at the party and was all wasted from the traffic. Some of our friends have already left, but he was still there. He stared at me from a distance like he know something about me. While I'm greeting our other friends, he called me and asked me if the rumors are true (me having a bf). I answered no instantly. I'm quite surprised that he asked. I didn't know what to tell him, although at that time my current bf and I are already dating but still unofficially together. I just didn't expect the question especially that he's the one asking. That night, I will never forget that I joked, "You know, I had a crush on you before." and he surprised me by answering, "Oh, I had a crush on you too." That moment my mind was like, "was it real?" Sometimes jokes are half meant, right? So I start believing that it's true. But i guess it's all just a crush that ends with a crush. Fate didn't permitted us to be more than friends because both of us are destined to be with someone who is just perfect for us. I'm happy to have known him, it was like a puppy love. And it will always be a part of me.

I'm happy with who I am with right now, I couldn't ask for more. God is so great for giving me such a loving boyfriend. He really is the one. And I hope and pray that we'll be together forever.

And to this boy, I hope he is happy with someone who is perfect for him too. =)

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